


Anakin's Pendulum of Self-Worth

by WingletBlackbird



Series: Anakin Skywalker's Character [3]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Gen, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, Originally Posted on Tumblr, cross posted from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 12:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16994976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingletBlackbird/pseuds/WingletBlackbird
Summary: How Anakin's confidence is directly tired to how valuable he believes people find him.





	Anakin's Pendulum of Self-Worth

Anakin was born into slavery where he was quickly taught that life got better or worse based upon how much people thought you were worth. He claimed that he “wouldn’t have lasted so long if [he] wasn’t so good at fixing things.” He takes pride in this, because while he hates being a slave, at least he knows he’s valuable and safer as a result. He works hard and is talented. He knows it and he uses this knowledge as a weapon against the cruelties of life…including Sebulba.

As comfortable as Anakin is in that knowledge, he makes sure that everyone knows it. It needs to be known that he has worth. Thus, when Watto says that he “smashed up my pod in the last race,” Anakin is quick to point out that it wasn’t  _his_  fault and look what a good job I did. When Watto praises him, he calms down. He needed to hear that because he didn’t want Qui-Gon to lose interest in him because he isn’t useful anymore. He needs people to like him. When, you understand that this concept of economics, for lack of a better term, is what drives Anakin’s behavior, a lot of things make sense.

Anakin in AotC, is not nearly as confident as he was when he was nine, (which is very depressing), the reason being that he is no longer comfortable in his position in the world. The Jedi don’t like him. They didn’t want him. He’s not entirely certain why they decided to train him. He only knows that they want something from him. He doesn’t know what that is though and so he tries his hardest and withers inside. Palpatine naturally takes advantage of this by telling him that if he would only work harder, the Jedi would appreciate him. Which we all know, and Palpatine knew, is folly. He played them off each other and exacerbated the situation.

In RotS, however, Anakin is a lot more forceful. He tells Palpatine that he won’t leave Obi-Wan behind. He tells the Council that he’s offended by their actions. He tells Padme that he won’t talk to Palpatine like she wants him to, and he tells Obi-Wan that he doesn’t want to spy on Palpatine. For an individual, who rarely back talked, (look how surprised Obi-Wan was in AotC, when Anakin actually did), this is surprising. What changed?

Well, now that they are at war, Anakin is needed beyond the shadow of a doubt. More than that though, he is a gifted general. He is one of the best and the council knows it and that gives  _him_  the advantage because now he’s needed and valuable. He has bargaining power in his mind now, so he’s expressing his own opinions more forcefully. Moreover, because the HoloNet loves him, and at least the richer members of the Republic, who are the ones who fund the Jedi’s campaigns, call him the Hero With no Fear, they can’t really afford to expel him. He also now has friends amongst the clones and his own command. He’s become accustomed to a certain level of respect. He’s gained, or regained, confidence. Hence, he acts out.

Anakin’s actions swing back and forth his entire life based upon how valuable he perceives himself to be. At the end of RotS, Anakin is as close as he ever came, not including the end of RotJ, to independence. He tells Padme that he will kill Palpatine and take over. He’s thinking now in terms of what he wants and while he’s giving the power to Padme, he never wanted to rule anyway, he just wants her so that works. The high of the Dark Side for Anakin, besides protecting himself and others, is that with it he thinks he can be free and take whatever he wants and he’ll never be enslaved to anyone elses’s will again. Sadly, he has never been more wrong.

This high doesn’t last of course when he wakes up inside the suit; he’s more a slave now than ever. This is when he gives up, not only has he little value besides as Palpatine’s broken trophy, he doesn’t even value himself. He hates himself. He is bitter and angry and, above all else, depressed and passively suicidal. If he stays alive, it’s because he knows living is hell and he deserves every second of it. It’s honestly a form of self-harm.

And it is only when Luke tells him that your worth isn’t defined by your perceived value, but who you are, and I love you unconditionally, that Anakin truly breaks free of his chains and casts down his oppressor.

(It really is tragic, when you think about it. Knowing all Anakin has suffered, tears come into my eyes when I see his redemption, and the power of the unreserved love he so desperately needed and craved.)


End file.
